and you shall see that in truth you are weeping
for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow,"
and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits alone
with you at your board, remember that the
other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between
your sorrow and your joy."
As I sit here reminiscing of the past year, I find myself browsing the library of my mind as I picture sorrow and joy pulling one another in their preferred direction. Are they fighting? Are they working together? Is it love? Is it war? So many things have come to pass. A chapter has been closed in my life and a new one opened. I say hello to a new year full of opportunity and promise, but in that say goodbye to another year of life. Another year of growth and another year of struggles. So many things have changed and facing the future seems scary and uncertain. I wonder as I watch the flashes of life whizzing by, have I captured every opportunity that God has given me to share His hope? Have I missed the possibilities to relive the memories of the past? Friends have moved away, family has met and made memories. My career as stay-at-home mom came to a screeching halt as I dove headfirst into the population of moms working outside their homes. I was asked so many times, how I could handle every day at home with the kids. Most popular question: "What do you do all day?" Are you kidding? I loved being at home and would not give back a single day of enjoying the growth and changes of my precious children. As I catapulted myself into the career world, I felt like a freshmen walking into my first day of high school classes. I was new to the school and the school was new to the district. Everyone in the building had consolidated from three different schools. Everyone, that is, except me. Walking into my first day of work released an inequivalent feeling of anxiety and fear. Twelve children, 18 months to 2 years old, looking up at me with the same look of fear. Each of their precious faces painted with terror. Three months later, I feel a sense of responsibility to these precious children. Not like the feelings for my own children. The responsibility of influencing the children that look to me for love when their sad, compassion when they're hurting, discipline when they are searching for boundaries; these children come each day looking at the world as a blank canvas. When did I lose the ability to look at each day as new and unique to none other?
As my mind is wandering, I think back to the different holidays and gatherings experienced over the past year. Kids are a little older, parents are a little wiser. Yet when we gather together, its as if I am in high school again and we are getting ready to eat a meal together. We have changed and we have grown. We have said hello to new adventures and said goodbye to those whose journey was complete. I have celebrated anniversaries of times past and have dreamed of reunification one day soon. What does this all mean? I have run through several bunny trails on this blog through my mind. Yet I am right back to the point at which I began. What does the next year hold? New adventures? Deepening friendships? Memories made and journeys successful? Goodbye 2010 and thank you for the memories. Hello 2011! What do you hold for me? I took the plunge nearly 10 years ago to devote my life to the Lord Jesus. On Sunday, I will celebrate a new life (2 Cor. 5:17) and grieve the results of choices made as a child that should only be made by an adult. I know the key to my future and I know the future is held with the key. He will unlock the door of the new year and I will continue on my journey to His kingdom and my Home.
I pray the start of a new year is every bit as refreshing as the cool breeze on a warm spring day. I don't know what the future holds, but I know the One who holds the future!
God bless you as you go into the new year!