Monday, October 5, 2009

Cadyn Jo

Oh miss, I couldn’t help but notice you are nearly ready to deliver a new bundle of joy. How many more weeks do you have? Is the nursery all ready to bring the baby home? Are you spending plenty of time resting and preparing yourself for the changes that are to come? Can we make you some meals when your new baby arrives so that you don’t have to be concerned with food and you can focus on the new baby and all that is a part of your new life?

So many of these questions are like faint memories that reverberate through my mind. As if the thoughts are merely a dream, I have forgotten the joy that comes with carrying a new baby into this world. I know it was an unexplainable joy that cannot be described justifiably with the vocabulary available to us.

Another projected due date came and passed as an autumn rain in the Midwest seems to pound upon us and at once is gone. My heart feels broken and yet there is that unexplainable sense of peace. I do not understand these emotions and I doubt I ever will. The deep emptiness I feel will one day be filled by my three beautiful children and until that day I must draw strength from my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ.

Pain tranquilizes my mind and numbs my achy soul. I long to escape the hurt in my heart and the pain that feels as if my heart has been crushed. God, you are my only comfort. You are my only refuge. Lord, please. Please, I beg you. Take this pain from me, fill it with You.