One Year Ago

It's been just one year ago since I was given the news that the youngest Kimball baby would not be coming home. We planned and dreamed and thought, but God had other plans. I don't understand the reasons for the Lord taking my youngest babies home, however I know that without a doubt, God is sovereign and their lives are complete and perfect. Cadyn's little body is perfect, her complexion is perfect and the Lord is holding her close through the days that we are parted. I cannot wait for the day when our family is together again, but I also know that the time we are here is intended to glorify my Lord and Savior.

Pain, yes. The pain is there. I still miss her beyond words, yet I recognize the pain and struggle she was saved from and I realize that my plans were feeble and empty compared to the plans the Lord has for me and the lives of all six of my children. When does the pain subside? Where does the emptiness end? How do I put aside the hurt and continue through my life as it will never be the same? When a tragedy hits, suddenly these questions blare in front of you, but as I have been confronted with so many opportunities to search for these answers, I have also been given opportunities to reject this 'why' and focus on what God would have for me.

As I sit here pondering the past year and thinking of what God has done, I realize the mercy and grace God has shown me as I have struggled through the pain and past the 'why' and as much as I have tried to rush through the grief, I am coming to understand that the little moments in this life are just as important to the grieving process as the major steps recognized as 'grief' steps. God has carried me through and the only definitive thing I know of this past year is that God is all there is and I know He has given me the friends and the family I have to help to carry me through.

I am so thankful for each person that has influenced and impacted my life through the past two years. I have been blessed beyond measure and so thankful for each person reading this and the incredible way God has blessed me. I love you all and I am grateful beyond words. I love you all...each one of you know who you are!!