Grady, the youngest living Kimball boy was hospitalized yesterday evening due to a temperature of 105 after having gone through surgery on Thursday to repair a right inguinal hernia. Everything was going well and he was recovering, though slow and painful. We went about our day and I was thanking God for the ease at which Grady appeared to be regaining strength. He had eaten a little, was drinking well and was in good spirits. He was lethargic and seemed warm, but he had just had surgery so I was not too concerned. I decided just to be safe I would check his temp. because though I am always cool, I thought it seemed like his body was getting warmer. Checking with the electronic ear thermometer, I gasped at the number on the tiny digital screen: 103.2 and immediately stood to find Chad.
I told him the temp. and without a second thought, he told me to get him in. They ran blood cultures, did CBC testing, started an IV and then the doctor came in to say his recommendation was for us to stay the night and see how things went. As he pulled the tegaderm away from the incision, Grady squealed at the intensity of pain and tried to commandeer the doctors hand to stop the pain. Upon removal of the bandages, we discovered redness and swelling and again I was encouraged to keep him here for observation for the night.
So, after just less than three hours in the ER, we were brought to our temporary sleep spot, room 3325. Diana, the nurse who was just beginning her shift helped get Grady situated and tried to help Grady feel safe. I had a difficult time watching him writhe in pain and squirm from the irritation of having everyone poking and listening and viewing his sore little body. I never knew I could hurt so bad for someone else. There really is something about children being the part of a mother's heart that walks and talks and lives outside her body. There is nothing more heart-wrenching for me than knowing your precious child is in pain and that there is not a single thing you can do about it.
I guess I have sort of an idea what God must have felt when He watched His only Son writhe in pain on the cross and knew that in order to bring me to Himself, there was nothing He could do to relieve the pain or shorten the anguish. It brings tears to my eyes thinking of how much Jesus must love me that He is willing to endure that type of beating and death for me when He knew I would screw up and not love Him for several years and not acknowledge the part I would play in His story of my life. It's not my story to tell. It's my story to live, but the plot has already been written and the ending is already told. The hero has already won and the evil one knows of his ultimate demise.
Do I fulling understand and trust the saving grace of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? No. Will I ever grasp the depths of His love and devotion for me, a sinner? Not this side of heaven. However, knowing a piece of the pain my Father in heaven endured in order to send His only Son so that I could be a member of the Holy Family of Believers for eternity in heaven, there is not a more incredible way I would want to spend my life than as a servant of the Creator of the Universe and the Almighty God of Everything. How can I give anything less than my life to someone who's Son died so that I could live!?
So, where does Grady fit into all this? Well, as I have ranted and raved and cried and lamented over the past eighteen months of my life, it occurred to me this afternoon that the reaction I choose in the midst of this pain and suffering should be that of the reaction of God. I will press forward no matter what the cost because I know that just as I have Grady's best in mind and it was heartbreaking to see them put an IV in his beautiful little hand, God had my best in mind and though it was heartbreaking to see His ONLY Son died such a brutal and tragic death, the rewards and the health that come from initial pain and eventual endurance are priceless to those of us who reap the benefits of the sacrifice. I am not ranking my observation and emotion of Grady's recent hospital stay nearly as intense as those felt by our Father on the day Jesus died. However, I believe God has shown His heart to me in a small way this last few days throught the redemptive power of Christ and the unending faithfulness of the God of the universe.
Praise God for His unending love and unfathomable faithfulness. No one can begin to grasp His greatness and the love He holds in His heart and in the heavenlies for us to one day live in that perfect love of Jesus. His word tells us, NO ONE can grasp how wide and how long, how high and how deep the love of Christ is for us and the more I see glimpses and receive fragments of the love He has for me, the more I know His love for me is incomprable to anything I will know this side of heaven.
Hang on, Grady! Momma is praying God will heal your precious body and renew your mind. I am praying the blood of Jesus to bind the enemy from anymore attacks on you and to continue to use those around us, who we love and adore to remind us of the power and strength and love and joy He has for us when we are ready to let go of this world and hold His hand as He walks us through this life, trials and triumphs, into the life of eternity He has promised.
I love you Grady! You are truly Momma's Little Champ!
God bless!
Amber, you are truly and inspiration to me and you encourage me in your writing to love my kids more and more. I want to say I have no idea how you have endured such hardships either, but you and I both know that it's only by the grace of God and his upholding hand that you have come through your storms stronger and the story that God has given you is going to touch so many hearts and lives. You have been given a gift of words and obviously you have a story to tell. Have you ever felt that God is calling you into a speaking ministry? Thank you for your words, your teaching, your insight and your example of strength in the midst of a storm. You are truly a Woman of God!
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