Fear of Success

Have you ever wondered what fear of failure really means? I have spent much of my life wondering if the failures I have experienced would really make me stronger or if that was just something successful people said to make losers feel better about themselves. Often some of the encouraging/motivational things we say to one another are not uplifting or motivational. Instead they can be frustrating and can actually stunt our spiritual growth. I have spent the last four years attending a Celebrate Recovery group based on the 12 step recovery program often associated with AA. Many different hurts, habits and hang-ups are discussed and worked through while developing a relationship with Jesus Christ. During this time, I have watched Christ transform many people and grow me beyond my comfort zone, while stretching me in order to test my reliance on Him. Through all of this I have spent alot of time wondering if people rely on failure to walk into the next step in their journey of life because it is comfortable, it is familiar and if they expect failure, there will be no surprise and much less heartache than being disappointed. However, what if the fear they explain is not a fear of failure at all? What if it is the fear of success? The fear of actually being successful in what you attempt and the unknown feelings that go along with success or the unknown reactions. Maybe it is the lack of reaction from others? When a person fails, people are quick to point it out and in some circumstances, encouraging words and the 'try, try again' speech follows the failure. However, when one succeeds, people do not respond and there is often no encouragement or congratulations that result.

What if we worked hard for the glory of God? What if we all forgot about our deep desire to be successful and started living to please the Lord, rather than man? What if the work we did was in response to the sacrifices and the death suffered by Jesus? Sacrifices we can never understand and pain that we may come close to experiencing through situations in this life, but none of us will understand the complete disconnection Jesus felt at the moment He cried out to His Father and felt truly alone. As long as we know that God is our Savior, we will never understand the true feelings of being alone. Why? Because we are never alone. We may feel as if the experience we are in is something only we alone can understand, but Jesus gets it. He feels the hurt and faced the pain. When your heart aches or you are grieved by something, so is Jesus.

I have asked myself more times than I can count in the last two years, 'how can Jesus understand what it's like to lose a child?' He was not a mom and did not experience the connection I felt to Josiah and Cadyn that began to grow and deepen, only to have it taken from me with no explanation. But, as I have grown closer to Him and have begun to search out His character more in the last several months, I realize that Jesus recognizes the pain I felt in losing those precious children. He understands my heart and knows each thought I have about what could have been and what is because of His sovereign plan. One day our story will be complete and the journey through this life will come to a close. When that day comes, we will be joined as a family and we will bow before the King to forever live and serve Him. What will I ask when that time comes? What will He say to me?

Only He knows but from now until that day, I will do my very best to live my life to honor my Savior. I will do the very best for those I have around me and I will do the best I can to make my babies proud! Will I succeed? Yes. Will I fail? Yes. Through all those times, my prayer today and forever will be to allow Christ to succeed in my life and ask for His help to stay out of His way!